Safety Hazards in the Household

Accidents can happen in an instant. While most household hazards are commonly known and precautions are common sense; there are hazards that need extra precautions to protect the children in your home.

 

Foster homes must be especially aware of hazards in the home; therefore, we have compiled a list of household hazards not always on our radar and ways to keep the children in your home safe.

1. Stove: Stove knobs and oven doors are a temptation for curious little ones learning to tune fine motor skills and are easily turned or opened. Safety locks designed specifically for stoves can prevent a child from climbing into the oven causing possible suffocation or being burned. (Cost range from $5 to $25)
2. Dishwasher: Like the stove; dishwasher doors are easily opened and a child can climb into if not locked when not in use.)
3. Toy chests: Like stoves and dishwashers, not having safety latches installed to prevent the lid from closing on toy chests can be very dangerous, easily trapping a small child inside.
4. Cords or wires: Long cords present a tripping or choking hazard. A small child can easily get caught in cords and become tangled causing injury even death from strangulation. Prevention is as simple as winding cords up tight and attaching zip or twist ties.
5. Window blind and curtain cords: If too long, blind and curtain cords are a choking hazard. It is suggested that these cords are wound up to a length no longer than 7 inches.
6. Televisions dressers: Children love to climb. By securing the dresser to the wall and installing drawer latches an injury from the dresser falling over can be prevented. A U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) report showed that, between 2000 and 2011, 349 people were killed by a falling television, appliance or piece of furniture; 84 percent of them were children under 9 years old. Televisions were most deadly, accounting for 62 percent of these fatalities.

The CPSC reports that between 2006 and 2011 more than 100,000 injuries occurred from tipped TVs. From 2000 to 2011, falling TV’s caused 215 deaths; 96 percent of those fatalities were children younger than 10.
7. Swing sets: Children can be injured by wrapping rope or chain around the body or neck. It is important to talk to the children placed in your home about these dangers. After a time, swing materials begin to deteriorate, crack or fray. Check regularly and replace if needed.
8. House plants: Some house plants can be potentially poisonous. Best practice is to keep them out of reach of children. When purchasing, ask the store clerk if a plant poses a danger of poison.
9. Pets: Children are very curious and love to touch animals. Some children are afraid of animals. Some animals are fearful of children. Best practice when bringing a foster child into the home is to introduce the child to the family dog or cat slowly. Show them the animal is safe and teach them safe ways to touch an animal.
10. Overloaded electrical sockets and electrical wires running under carpets can pose a huge fire danger.
11. Toilets: Seats and covers can cause injury to little hands when they fall down quickly. The best way to avoid these injuries is to teach family members to put the seat and lid down when they are finished using the toilet.

Leaves Footprints in your Heart

I consider myself a friend to many people, whom I will stand by and always give my love, support and gratitude.

I choose to spend my time with those who genuinely listen to me, who love to have great meaningful conversations about life and the world.

Those who can dig deep beyond the surface of life.

The conversations are two way with both of us sharing and caring for one another’s likes, dislikes and differences.

I love sharing my time with people who want to try new things, who are courageous in uncovering their truths:

Choosing people who are honest yet kind, vulnerable yet strong, have an energy and force to reckon with yet are peaceful in heart and mind, reliable and steadfast.

If these are the things that you value, then seek friendships with this integrity and balance.

You don’t always get to choose when it comes to the people in your family or work.

It is in these areas the importance of learning to rise above the indifferences: Understanding that it takes all types of people to make the world

However You do have the ability and available intention to have in your life, the people with the qualities mentioned above.

These are the people whom to share and where you will spend your time and energy.

You will place distance and set firm boundaries with the people who have negative attitudes, toxic behaviours, whom have closed minds to new and positive experiences.

Who don’t want to share with you their dreams and aspirations or listen to yours.

Beware of people whom live on the surface of life without giving it any real depth or meaning as this can pull you down, leading you to focus on the sadness and contemptuous areas of life.

Allow yourself to be fed with people who have dreams in their hearts, kindness in their souls, healthy habits, having a mindset of abundance, healthy hobbies and habits:

Strong and Positive Relationships: Who have open minds to all that is good, to have the courage to face their challenges with the peace and happiness to understand them.

Choosing friends because they help you to feel and be a Better You: Not to base friendships on age, status, looks or for what they can do but because they are good people carving out a positive life.

During a lifetime many people come and go, there will be a few treasured one’s who leave footprints in your heart. This is the sign of a Great friend.

Intimacy and Connection in a Struggling Relationship

Why do couples struggle to stay intimate?
This is a question that baffled me when I started working in this field. Many women would say to me “what do I do when the feelings in a marriage are gone?” or men I work with to save their marriage would share “when a marriage is over to one person can you get it back?” I wanted to know why when the feelings in a marriage are gone can they not be restored with focus and effort. The good news is they can, the problem is 3 main things stop couples from reconnecting which I will explain in this article.
Most people if asked: “Is intimacy in a relationship important to you?” Would answer yes absolutely yes.
Yet I found individuals and couples don’t even focus on it when they think the marriage is over!

Individuals need intimacy is it one of the basic human needs according to many psychologists and wellness experts. This is supported by Anthony Robbins who studied universal human needs and in the basic 4 needs was a need for love and connection. Dr Stonsy PhD claims that intimacy is also crucial to normal human functioning and can help ward off depression, aggression, and calm anxiety.

A relationship needs intimacy, otherwise it will slowly wither and die. Sadly I see this time and time again when individuals or couples come to me with their marriage in crisis there is always a break down in intimacy. Divorce statistics support this, lack of intimacy and connection is often to blame.

What amazes me is if we all value intimacy in a relationship and recognise it as important for a lasting loving close relationship. Then why aren’t couples able to restore it in relationships once it has been broken or lost?

There are 3 main reasons I have found for why couples struggle to get back their intimate connection when a relationship breaks down. I will outline them and give you some tips.

Men and Women View Intimacy Differently

One of key reasons why hetro-sexual couples find it hard to get intimacy back is because
men and women have differing views of what it means to be intimate. Having helped countless couples save their marriage now, I often ask men and women separately what does being intimate mean to you? On average here are the answers (of course there are always exceptions).

For men intimacy is:
A physical connection
Foreplay
Holding hands, hugging and kissing
Physical time alone together
Sexual intimacy
Doing things together

For women intimacy is:
An emotional connection
Sharing important issues
Listening to things about their husband’s day
Being able to cry about emotional events and experiences together
Being emotionally aware when feelings are hurt
Knowing one another’s hopes and dreams

Men tend to associate intimacy as being physical, touching and sex and for women it is more about talking intimately face to face. Helen Fisher PhD claims that this is a “behavior that probably evolved millions of years ago when ancestral females spent days holding their infants up in front of them, soothing them with words. She found similar to me that Men, often regard intimacy as working or playing side by side”

2, Fear
Fear of intimacy play’s a huge factor in couples struggling to restore intimacy or even establish it in the first place.
Fear of getting hurt and being vulnerable can block emotional sharing and trust in a relationship.Fear of rejection can stop a relationship from being physically intimate again. Fear of failure or disappointment can prevent us from sharing our desires, dreams, hopes and expectations, so we settled for less. Fear of abandonment can prevent someone from being truly engaged. Fear of being engulfed and losing yourself in a relationship is another common reason men and women avoid intimacy. According to Hal Shorey Ph.D. Psychology today fearing intimacy and avoiding closeness in relationships is the norm for about 17% of adults in Western cultures.

Whilst we have these fears most marriage counsellors don’t address these fears, they will suggest “talking about your problems over and over again” which often ignites more fear. Which is why I always avoid having a couple sit together and go over the past problems, to save relationships you need to be focusing on establishing the connection, focusing on the future. What works is practical guidance and support on how to move forward and be intimate despite fears.

Easy Bridal Shopping

1.Follow the latest bridal week shows on television
famous fashion shows to fashion weeks and more, designers are showcasing the latest chic bridal wear collections for would be brides. This is your cue to know of the latest trends; keeping in mind that your wedding is a few weeks away. Take a look at the styles and the designs,the dominant colors of trend.

2.Narrow down the list of bridal stores you want to visit
Take an evening off and sit by yourself to check out the best and the most popular bridal stores around the city. Also check nationwide if your budget allows for shipping costs and if there is time to do that. This would give you an idea about the prices, styles and designs, and the reputation of the designer too. Narrow down the list and stick to one or two to visit in person, if you plan to buy the bridal ensemble on your own.

3.Hire a wedding shopper if you need to
Most would-be brides these days have a career to manage and a wedding to plan at the same time, and sometimes it can take a toll on them balancing the act. If you know you are pressed for time and cannot manage what you want for the wedding, hire a wedding shopper to help you with the wedding shopping. Sit and discuss with them your needs on your week off, and plan your trousseau and the look accordingly

4.Would it be a lehenga, a saree or a wedding salwar?
When you have a choice to make from the three, do it wisely. Don’t run for the looks you see on the ramps, on television shows or on a glossy magazine cover. Sit and get your trials done, visit the boutiques in person to get a feel of the fabrics and the cut or styles they flaunt, and then make a decision on the same.

5.Be honest with your body measurements
When stitching your bridal wear, be very realistic with your measurements. An inch loose is okay to have than an inch tight; you would get all squishy and frumpy at your own wedding, and if you aren’t comfortable with what you wear, it would show on your face.

6.Don’t cross and overdo on your budget
Budgets are very important to maintain for the wedding, which is why we would ask you to stick by them. Don’t compromise for cheaper qualities, though, but search around early on and check for bridal wear that keeps the wallet and your soul happy. Follow your gut instinct and pick the bridal wear you plan to have for your wedding.

Life Lessons That You Need to Learn

I had a wonderful teacher who provided me with precious and wise lessons about faith and trust. Her name was Jasmine. She died when she was 15 years old. She was abused and neglected before we met. She couldn’t communicate through language — yet she spoke volumes to me. But Jasmine was not a person. Jasmine was my cat.

Jasmine didn’t worry about the future or wallow in regrets about her past. She lived life one day at a time –- even one hour or one minute at a time. She was born with the innate, God-given blessing of being able to completely live in the moment. With no preconceptions, expectations or remorse, she was open to receiving whatever life brought her and,ultimately, to what God and her soul’s deep inner connection to Him brought her.

External circumstances didn’t dictate Jasmine’s emotions. If it was raining, she didn’t sulk, and her day wasn’t ruined. She merely found a warm place to lie down, and slept to God’s sweet rhythm of raindrops. If it was a hot day, she wasn’t grouchy –- she actually sought out a sunny spot in which to bask.

Jasmine didn’t feel pressured to conform or to do things solely to please others. She didn’t wish she was 10 pounds instead of 15. She didn’t lament having long fur instead of short hair. She wasn’t bitter about viewing the world through golden eyes instead of green ones. She was God’s creation, and, as one of His many masterpieces, she was perfect exactly the way she was.

Fear didn’t hold Jasmine captive. Oh, sure, if there was an earthquake or a sudden loud noise, she may have jumped behind the sofa. But faith, in the form of curiosity, would soon draw her out from her hiding place to explore what caused the shaking, or what caused the noise. And soon the memory of the incident was released, and she returned to living in the moment.

Status was meaningless to Jasmine. She didn’t care that I didn’t have the biggest apartment, a high-status zip code, the most expensive car, the flashiest jewelry, or world-famous friends. She was quite satisfied when I provided her with attention, affection, food and playtime.

Sweet, simple things didn’t fall by the wayside of Jasmine’s attention. She didn’t need to watch movies or TV shows filled with huge guns, explosions, nudity or zombies. Instead, she was content watching God’s show. She’d perch in the window and gaze with wide-eyed wonderment at birds flying by, a leaf lazily drifting from a tree, or branches swaying to and fro on a windswept day. She was mostly concerned with viewing the standing ovation-worthy performance presented all day and night by God.

Even though there was abuse in Jasmine’s past, which took place before I adopted her, she did not cling to those memories of cruelty for sympathy or self-pity, and she loved unconditionally. She scampered over to visitors and savored their attention. And she unfailingly loved me, even when I hadn’t showered, hadn’t done my hair or makeup, and hadn’t exactly been the world’s best housekeeper.

Transform Your Life

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Here are 3 Reasons why it can transform your life!

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In only a few short sessions, you will begin to jump-start your goals and experience positive lifelong results.

Isn’t it time you invested in yourself? Contact me today for a free
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Help Children in the Foster Care System

Children of all ages and backgrounds are placed into the foster care system every day for a variety of reasons. The one thing that they all have in common is that their lives have been significantly changed, and that can be frightening for many of them. Every child deserves to feel cared for and safe, and that’s why the role of foster parents is so important. However, there are also plenty of other things that you can do to help foster children in your community, even if you’ve decided that foster parenting or adoption isn’t right for you. Take a look at some of the ways you can make a difference in a child’s life below.

Look Into Mentoring

Foster children don’t generally have a lot of stability in their lives, so having a mentor that they can look forward to seeing and spending time with on a regular basis will serve to provide them with some consistency. The support and encouragement that mentors offer are vital to children who desire to know that they’re worth someone’s time. Some specific programs use mentors to help with academics or life skills, or you may just spend quality time playing games, talking, sharing a meal, etc.

Provide Respite Care

You may have tossed around the idea of becoming a foster parent and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the best situation for you and your family, but there are many types of foster care placements that don’t have to be long-term. Numerous children need people who will take them in under respite care, which is reserved for short-term, emergency situations. As a respite care provider, you may receive a child that has just been taken out of their home and must find a place to stay for 24 hours, or you may be a source of relief for a few days for biological or foster parents who are dealing with difficult situations.

Volunteer Your Time

Aside from mentoring one particular child, there are many other opportunities for you to volunteer your time to the foster care system. This may include driving children to and from medical appointments or visits with their birth family; spending time at a local foster organization and helping with meal preparation, reading to kids, wrapping presents, organizing donations, etc.; and/or taking professional-looking photos of children waiting to be placed in a foster or adoptive home.

Make a Donation

Foster children often leave their homes with very little to none of their clothes and personal possessions. There is always a need for donations in good condition in the form of clothing, toys, books, games, toiletries, luggage, and school supplies. You can contact child welfare agencies and children’s homes in your area to get a good idea of specific items that are needed. Organizing a donation drive or fundraiser is also welcomed.

Become an Advocate

There are a large number of children in foster care across the U.S. who need adult advocates to speak on their behalf and make sure they don’t get overlooked in the crowded system. Becoming a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) means taking on the responsibility of gathering information from all the people that are a part of a child’s life to present to a judge who will then use it to determine the best circumstances for the child to be in.

With so many ways to contribute, there’s no reason not to get involved with the foster care system and help to positively influence the life of a child.

Foster Care Placements

Numerous children continue to enter the foster care system every day, each with a different background and unique situation. In an effort to provide the proper care and accommodations for the multitude of foster care children that need a caring and stable environment, there are various types of placements that can occur so that all individual needs are addressed. If you are new to the foster care system, becoming familiar with the different kinds of placements can be helpful in deciding which one(s) would best suit you and your family as foster parents.

Emergency

Emergency foster care happens unexpectedly and on very short notice. Children removed from unsafe circumstances may need a place to stay for one night or for a few weeks, depending on the specific situation. Immediate relocation of a child may be due to something as extreme as abuse or as simple as a parent’s failure to follow court orders. Emergency foster families must always be prepared to provide food, shelter, clothing, and other necessities as soon as they are called upon as well as be able to handle the trauma a child experiences from suddenly being taken away from their parents.

Respite

Whether it’s because of a physical disability or behavioral problems, some children can be more challenging to care for than others, and respite foster placements offer birth, adoptive or other foster parents a break from the intensive nature of such responsibility. These short stays usually last a few hours, a weekend or from one to two weeks and assist in giving permanent guardians the support they need to continue caring for their children effectively.

Long-Term

Long-term foster care is needed when children are unable to return to their birth parents. This is a way of providing a more permanent home life for them until they reach adulthood without committing to an adoption. Oftentimes, older children in the foster care system prefer this type of placement rather than being adopted and will remain in touch with their birth family.

Specialized

Foster placements that are deemed specialized involve children with medical conditions and require families or individuals that have been trained to properly handle their needs. These can be very ill, emotionally disturbed or behaviorally difficult children that demand hands-on, experienced and time-consuming care in a home that promotes love, discipline, and encouragement.

The Decision to Foster Adopt

Parenting any child, biological or otherwise, takes patience, love, and commitment. However, foster parenting can be a bit more challenging and require an extra effort to exhibit each of these qualities at times. Foster children have frequently undergone conditions of abuse and neglect, and often show signs of the negative effects it has had on them. Beyond providing food and shelter, there are many ways to change this around and effectively influence the life of a foster child for the better.

Whether it’s simply lending a supportive shoulder to cry on or opening up your home to foster adopt, foster parents will find that the following actions make the most positive impact on children in the foster care system.

Offer a Listening Ear

Many foster children need the services of a professional therapist to help them process what they are going through, but they should always feel comfortable enough going to their foster parents as well to share feelings of both happiness and concern. It seems like a simple task, but taking time out of your busy schedule to just sit down with your foster child and listen to what they have to say about their day can make a world of difference for them in knowing someone cares.

Provide a Routine

Children need structure and stability to help promote the growth of healthy relationships and an overall well-adjusted life. Sticking to basic daily routines that involve things such as mealtimes, bedtimes, quality time, etc., can go a long way in supplying the consistency a foster child has most likely lacked with their biological family.

Get Involved in Schoolwork and Encourage Interests

Showing you care about their successes in school and other various interests, gives a foster child the encouragement they often need to do well and excel in their development. Nurturing them and getting involved in these areas gives vital support for accomplishing future goals.

Maintain Boundaries and Don’t Be Afraid to Discipline

Foster children may come with behavioral problems after all the hardships they’ve experienced. It’s important for foster parents to find a way to appropriately discipline and set limits while still showing love and respect for the child during tougher times. With discipline should come praise and recognition of good behavior as well.

Work With the Biological Family and Child Welfare Agency

It can be difficult for loving foster parents to understand the actions of other parents, but it is crucial to work cooperatively with the biological family and child welfare advocates in order to make certain the child’s needs are being fully met and they are receiving the best possible care from all parties involved. Allow child welfare agencies to be a form of support for your role as a foster parent, take the steps necessary to cultivate constructive visitations with biological parents, and do your best to uphold neutral feelings towards them no matter the situation.

Forgiveness is great ideas

On my 30th birthday, I received the gift that every girl dreams of, well ok maybe not every girl, maybe just this girl and a few others I know. It arrived on that unusually sunny February morning in England, gift wrapped in an airmail envelope. I must have sensed at some level that its contents were of a rare and mystical quality, because I opened it as if in possession of the holy grail itself. Inside the envelope, shimmering in all of its golden, legal pad glory, was an agenda free letter of amends from my ex-boyfriend, containing 2 A4 sides of pure, unadulterated accountability for his part in the demise of our relationship. It was poetry, and it made me feel good for exactly half an hour.

It is no coincidence, in my opinion, that this man subsequently met his soulmate and is now happily married to her. He had done his work and was cleaning house from a place of genuine remorse, free from inappropriate shame, but without even a whisper of justification. I could feel his heart on the page. And it is for that same reason I believe, that my emotional high that morning lasted for a mere 30 minutes, because my house was still cluttered with ungrieved loss, unresolved wounds and the absence of any real clarity or accountability for my own part in what had happened between us. It took another 3 and half years for me to return the favour, and I’m sure even then, I came nowhere close to doing justice to the letter I’d received. The sense of liberation that I felt however, in writing those lines of heartfelt remorse, was a lesson I have subsequently carried with me like a treasure. The lesson that any unresolved pain I carry in my heart can never be liberated by another human being. Even if the scenario in question is a place where my role was entirely that of being a powerless victim. Recognition, accountability, and even an apology from the so called offender in question will never set me free. Because forigveness doesn’t come as a result of my offender’s awakening, but only as a result of my own.

A couple of years ago, my understanding of why and how forgiveness works in this way deepened, when a dear friend turned me onto a life changing book called Radical Forgiveness. Overnight my perception of everything transformed from 3 to 4 dimensional. I would strongly recommend this book to anyone in the clutches of unresolved hurts or a painfully insistent cycle of being or perceiving themselves as being victimized or persecuted. But in the meantime, here’s a blundering attempt at the premise. In a nutshell, the author proposes that everything is happening for us, not to us. The book suggests that our souls have made agreements with one other to act out what we need to experience in order for us to evolve into our whole, actualised selves. So when your boss routinely passes you over for that promotion, you have, according to Radical Forgiveness, at some level agreed that they would do this for you, so that you would learn something about your role in this reoccuring pattern. Maybe you need to learn to value yourself more, to speak up or to risk leaving for a new job elsewhere that is a better match for your skills. Or perhaps you are learning that climbing the career ladder is not a reflection of your worth, or a match for the emptiness you feel. Or maybe you have somebody in your life who repeatedly through word or deed implies that you are worthless, of low value, unloveable, not good enough, in someway faulty or wrong etc. Through the lens of this same premise, they are consistently offering you the opportunity to begin, in word and deed, to refute those implications, and to out-grow and heal the origins of those beliefs.

I cannot tell you how many times the following scenario has happened to/for me. I have an unconscious belief that is making my life miserable and blocking me from receiving or feeling joy, abundance, love, or any of the good stuff. And I know that I don’t have the good stuff, but I’m not conscious of the belief that is blocking it or creating the circumstances I’m feeling stuck in. So, as if by magic, a character shows up my life (when the student is ready, the teacher appears), and starts speaking, and or acting out my shadow beliefs, and they do it with complete and utter impunity. Usually I either fall in love with them or I can’t stand them or a little of both depending on the severity of the belief. But always, at some point, they become intolerable to me, because in truth what is happening is that they are making my own dysfunctional beliefs conscious, and they are giving me the opportunity to start rejecting them. But first, and I think this is true of most of us, I reject the person or the situation that is bringing the consciousness alive for me, because I don’t want to own that I’m carrying it and that I feel powerless to change. So here’s a better idea (I think), either they should change, or shut up or go away. But that never works. Because if they do, like clockwork, a new character shows up with the exact same script. Or I keep running the script that the character I amputated was running, round and around in my mind. And on it goes until I, myself, become clear around the beliefs that are no longer serving me.

Individuation and Crying Over The Wonder Woman Trailer

Ok, lets get the trailer out of the way. Because this isn’t a postcard about feminism, this is a postcard about masculinism. And the fact that spellcheck doesn’t even recognise it as a word goes a long way to making my point. But first, in order to really make my point, I need to vent about that trailer. So strap yourselves in for a couple of paragraphs, because I’m not feeling warm and fuzzy about it.

I can’t tell you how excited I was about that movie. The Lasso of Truth and indestructible Bracelets of Submission for heaven’s sake. How much material for awesomeness do you need? And then the trailer began, and within a minute my heart was sinking as I watched yet another portrayal of a woman’s power being defined by her capacity to reject her femininity, embody masculine energy and to wear a sexy outfit as she uses destructive weapons to fight and brutalize men. Now excuse me while I get out my soapbox and megaphone, because I need to yell this part. A person’s power does not come from diminishing the value or power of the opposite sex, making them redundant, or from putting them in their place. That’s just fear and unresolved pain plus the exertion of will. A woman does not need to become a man in order to defend herself or her equality. Women’s bodies are not supposed to be ‘tight’ and excessively muscular or kicking anyone’s ass. Feminine power is fluid, creative, intuitive, nurturing magic. And believe me, if you think that physical aggression is power, that any kind of kicking ass and taking names behaviour is power, then you have never messed with a woman in full possession of her magic.

I am incredibly lucky to be part of a group of women who meet every other week to challenge, support and celebrate each other through the trials and victories of life, along with all the places in between. We often laughingly refer to ourselves as a coven, and we are only half kidding. I cannot begin to tell you the hardship and darkness these women have lived through. And they have risen, not by fighting or exacting revenge or staying angry, but through their capacity to process deep rivers of pain through grief, forgiveness, making difficult choices, and ultimately by returning to love. That, my friends, is power.

But while the Wonder Woman trailer may have been the inciting incident that brought me to the page, I’m not here to write with an exclusively pro-woman agenda. So let me explain.

As I mentioned in my previous postcard, I take time to process my experiences. So on November 8th last year, the only thing I felt was surprised. 24 hours later, I sat down in a dark, candle-lit temple in California, and cried…for an hour. My heart was hurting so badly, that I’d needed solace. But what healed me that night wasn’t meditation, or another woman sitting with me in solidarity. It was watching a young man, maybe in his early 30’s, performing his spiritual ritual. Dressed head to toe in white, his dark hair shaved to nearly nothing, he sat in meditation in front of an altar until after maybe 30 minutes he stood, cleaned the altar, and left. It was all I needed. An experience of an aspect of true masculine energy as the perfect balm for a dark, dark time.

So men, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we women are becoming pretty vocal, active and insistent about our place in the world and the way we want to be seen and treated, and I’d like to invite you to join us. Because I can spend the rest of my life becoming an empowered woman, but if you aren’t healing with me, then half of my heart will never be quiet. Because we are not separate or divided, this isn’t us versus you, so I need us to do this together. But I need you to start taking a stand too, not for us, but for yourselves. Because as far as I can tell, here’s how YOU are being portrayed in popular culture, most of the time, with varying degrees of severity…

Apparently, your true nature is to be either aggressively violent, or to remain perpetually adolescent, always looking for a ‘get out of jail free’ card to renounce responsibility for your relationships, homes, children, and adulthood. They say your truest desire for connection with women is to have as little accountability and commitment as possible, to use pornography, visit strip clubs and generally to objectify women. Apparently you have no desire or capacity for authentic intimacy. In fact, what you really want, is for the woman you have your primary relationship with to be your mother, the one who emotionally supports you and will always be there. The person who keeps a home you can come back to at the end of the day, weekends, or just whenever you feel like it, and that other women outside of your primary relationship are where you place your fantasy life, just as you did when you were 16. Also your obsession with women’s bodies or sleeping with as many of them as possible without any degree of intimacy or commitment, a healthy part of an experimental phase of adolescence, is actually your true, fully matured nature. Essentially you are developmentally challenged teenage boys, trapped somewhere between puberty and adolescence, without an innate desire or even capacity to progress into maturity. It is a profoundly disrespectful portrait, and I can only imagine deeply frustrating.